How to Ditch the Mate Checklist Forever So You Can Find Your Soulful Sweetheart

The good ol’ checklist. Ladies, you know what I’m talking about– THE CHECKLIST! The list of qualities that we mentally noted and fantasized about as a young girl imprinted on us precisely what we ought to be searching for in a lifelong partner. If you were anything like me, and I know many of you were because I still hear women talking about this, your list is a mile long.

Let me share with you what was on my list: educated, good family, trustworthy, loyal, put me on a pedestal, able to support a family, safe, provides certainty, reliable, not into playing games, accepted by my family, honest, let’s not forget “Italian” etc.… the list was endless.

These qualities sound pretty great on paper—right?

So, what’s the problem?!!

First comes the mate checklist, then comes marriage, then comes a baby in a baby carriage—this was my version of the childhood playground song we all heard growing up. Sounds more like a contractual agreement than a love story.

Where did your mate checklist even come from? Have you ever asked yourself? Many of us carry the expectations of our family when looking for a partner. We haven’t stopped to ask ourselves if this is what we truly want, or are we trying to please those around us? Do I want to be with this person because they are “acceptable,” and I don’t want to step outside the familial box?

Relationships come in many variations. Some people are ok with having a partner that meets the checklist criteria, and that’s fine. In no way am I knocking this down, but there are many of you out there that want something more, and by more, I mean a SOUL CONNECTION.

What is a soul connection? A soul connection transcends checkmarks on a list. It’s a connection that you don’t seek; it just happens. This kind of connection transforms your life. Somehow this person seems so familiar, and you feel instantly bonded. Empowered by this connection, your souls gravitate towards fulfilling their greatest potential. And what is our greatest potential in a relationship? Is it not to ask how I can show up in this relationship to give more and not just take?

A soul connection is a profound and spiritual bond between people. Most relationships are not this deep. Yes, you may love your partner or even your family and friends, but it may not be at the level of the soul. When you have a soul connection, you both know that this is something special, and at the time, it doesn’t always make sense. But in time, you will see that external factors brought you together.

Do you want this type of connection?

If so, you need to shred the mate checklist forever! That’s the first step. Do you want a partner only because they look good on paper? I can speak from my experience in saying that I wished for something that was so much more.   

The next step is to get rid of any expectations when seeking a partner. Walking around with expectations will only cause you to see with your eyes and not your heart—and this is what you desire in a soul connection, a relationship where two hearts connect on a spiritual level. 

And lastly, be open to the many opportunities that come your way, especially those that don’t come in the package you seek. Your soul knows what is best for you, and it isn’t always a logical decision; it’s a choice from the heart.  

People don’t talk about what happens when the honeymoon is over. I found what was missing on my list; key elements beyond words, beyond what the eyes can see, which are typically not sung in childhood playground songs. 

A heart mesh soul connection has no verbal language. It’s a quiet knowing that can’t be described on paper— it stretches beyond appearance, beyond status, and beyond time. It’s a love that is unconditional, and when you find it, your intuition will know. 

It takes standing in your truth to recognize and claim this kind of love because what you were looking for did not come from desperately searching. It will come when you least expect it, and with faith in knowing that it has already happened, you have to trust that it is already yours.  


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