Have you been paralyzed by parental alienation? If you’re a victim of parental alienation, my heart bleeds for you. It is a horrible pain no parent should ever have to endure. It’s as if one of your limbs have been detached, and without warning, you’re left helpless.
Parental alienation can wear many masks. It can be as subtle as painting a parent as unreliable and untrustworthy, or it can be as ugly as rallying up the troops with the intention of annihilation. This happens when one of the parents feel they need to “win” at all costs and will use whatever means necessary to make sure they have the children on their side.
Sounds like narcissistic behavior, right?
It typically is. When the narcissist can’t control you any longer, they will use the next best thing…your kids. The children see this parent as the victim. The one that has painted a beautiful portrait of how the alienated parent doesn’t have their best interest at heart.
Where does this leave you?
It will lead you down a rabbit hole of having to defend your worthiness as a parent, something I am sure you never dreamt of when you envisioned yourself holding your child in your arms.
When you have parental alienation in a divorce situation more often than not there is some sort of bait to lure the child in. Bait typically comes in the form of allowing the child to run the show at the home; the child is made to believe they are in control and have free reign. They may also be lured in by material possessions, which may create conditions for the alienated parent to feel the need to compete. Or, it can be as simple as disciplining your child and not being supported by the other parent, in which case the alienator uses that as an opportunity to take the child away from you (this is why a solid agreed upon parenting plan before your divorce is finalized is crucial).
If any of these scenarios lead you in the hands of the court system, be forewarned that the court system may not have your back. They are dealing with divorce cases and child custody issues all day long, and you’re just another file that crosses their desk. They will throw you in the hands of a court-appointed counselor, which will feel more like you are the one on trial.
Yes, the tables will turn!
The court system will never understand the dynamics of all of this. The sessions will consist of you defending yourself as a parent, and in the end, nobody can stop the alienation from happening. If the child is old enough they can decide which parent to live with, and the child will choose the parent with which they feel they have the greatest freedom.
It’s not the job of the child to understand that they need both parents in their life, this is the responsibility and duty of both parents to act in the best interest of the children. It’s their responsibility to put their ego aside and their pride and learn how to co-parent. Co-parenting has nothing to do with winning, nor does it have anything to do with your own needs.
9 Truths the Courts Taught Me
- My worth as a mother will never be validated by anyone outside myself.
- Fighting is drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.
- Being a mom means standing in your truth, and not letting anyone take that away from you (not even your child).
- Never sell yourself out in order to win the battle.
- I know who I am and my legacy will echo for generations to come.
- Nobody wins, so let go and trust that there is a bigger plan at work.
- My children will always love me and be a part of me no matter what fallacies were fed to them.
- The truth will always reveal itself, be patient.
- Love is way more powerful than the fight.
If you have been paralyzed by alienation I can’t stress enough the importance of having a support system. Having the right help will enable you to establish boundaries, and also not get sucked into a downward spiral. Take the high road and be a shining light for your children.