The Biggest Lie People Believe About Relationships

Juicy title, right? Makes you want to skip ahead and get to the good stuff.  Before we get there, you should know that it isn’t your fault that you drank the Kool-Aid.  I’m the first to admit I fell for the lie, too.  We grew up thinking this is how things are when you’re in a relationship. We believed that certain things should be given up and that our lives aren’t our own.
So, what is the biggest lie you ask? 
If you are one of the rare few that didn’t fall for the lie then kudos to you, but stay with me because you may not know what true freedom looks like just yet.
Lets first clarify what I mean by FREEDOM.  Freedom is a state of mind.  It’s being able to express yourself fully as who you are.  It’s not running and hiding because you want to avoid the hard stuff.  It’s standing in your truth and saying, “This is who I am,” and not letting ANYONE get in the way of that.
Breathe that in for a second.  It’s powerful stuff!
Relationships are a place you go to grow and give.  Have you given yourself fully and unapologetically?  Or, have you buried those parts of you out of fear of being rejected or judged?
When we don’t show up fully we put ourselves in a cage of expectations, and we clip our wings in order to appease those around us (does this sound familiar?).  We become what everyone else needs us to be.  Does a caged bird experience freedom? No, it doesn’t.  It learns to conform to its new environment in order to adapt and survive.
Relationships are a living breathing entity.  They evolve and need room to grow.  They aren’t meant to be contained and controlled.  There are those that want to control out of fear that they may lose their partner.  But what happens when you focus on that fear is that it grows and becomes the foundation of the relationship.
I love this quote by Brene Brown, “Do not dress rehearse tragedy so you can beat vulnerability to the punch.” We are so terrified of loss that we hold on so tight to what we fear we may lose.  Afraid to feel any joy, because we are waiting to get punched in the face by the very thing we fear.  We don’t realize that we are missing out on the joy of sharing ourselves with our partner at this very moment.   
SO, how can we be in a relationship and experience freedom at the same time?
You start with knowing who you are and what your purpose is, separate from your partner.  I don’t believe that a partnership is two people becoming one. This kind of thinking walks you further and further away from your truth.  I walked that path, and it led me to the most gut-wrenching question I ever asked myself, “How did I get here?!” How did I get so far away from myself that I didn’t even know who I was anymore?
This wasn’t freedom!
In order to get to this place of experiencing full freedom, the baggage of your past has to be fully released, otherwise, your relationship cannot grow and expand when your feet are cemented to a past that has you paralyzed.  Many couples place this baggage on their partner’s lap and expect them to unpack it, and when this baggage seeps out like poison it contaminates the relationship.
When you’re in a place of knowing who you are and why you’re here, and you’ve dealt with your baggage,  you are able to show up in your full power.  You may not have a clear direction just yet, but you aren’t waiting around for your partner to fill you up, because you realize that this is a job that only you can fulfill.
Freedom doesn’t come from anything outside yourself, but from walking BACK to yourself.
The journey back takes courage and it takes knowing where to find your truth.  Isn’t this how you want to show up in your relationships?… to be able to say this is who I am, this is why I am here, and to be able to allow your partner to do the same.
If you want to know more about releasing your baggage so that you can step into freedom, please schedule a 45-minute strategy session.  I would love to help create the relationship you deserve.


divorced coach
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