If you missed last week’s blog, you might want to read that one first. I released part of my digital course, “Untying the Knots of Divorce and Stepping into Your Purpose,” for FREE! You can check it out HERE
I believe in this course so wholeheartedly that I just needed you to see it for yourself. The power that it has to change the course of your life is remarkable.
For those of you who did the work last week, I hope you are setting the wheels in motion to gain awareness around what is keeping you stuck.
Module 1 is all about Awareness. We can’t change anything if we aren’t aware of what needs to be untied in divorce. Last week we started with THE RECIPE FOR CHANGE and also HOW DID YOU GET HERE? If you missed that, please go back before getting started on the rest of the module.
Let’s dive right in!
Module 1: AWARENESS: Language Surrounding Your Divorce Experience
The next part of awareness we will be discussing is around the language surrounding your divorce experience.
Divorce is precisely that, an experience, and nothing else. One person may see it as an ending, and someone else may see it as a new beginning. But I think the overwhelming majority still carry many negative feelings around it?
I remember a time before I first got married that I would have bet on my life that I would never be a divorcee. Looking back on that belief now, I ask myself, where did this belief show up?
As a kid, I remember seeing other divorced family members or friends and thinking to myself, “I never want to experience the pain they are feeling. They seem so lonely and miserable. Their family is broken.”
PAIN. LONELY.MISERABLE. BROKEN. These were the words I equated to divorce. These were the words I related to who I was after my divorce. Those words were the foundation of my divorce experience; therefore, this was my reality.
WORDS ARE SO POWERFUL! If I could scream this statement to you in person, I would. Words become your reality. The emotions that I felt were records of the past. They were emotions given to me by other people’s experiences, and I took them as my own without asking if they were even true.
What language are you using when describing your divorce experience? Do you use language such as this is exhausting, I feel paralyzed, this is draining me, I don’t think I can do this, I feel powerless and out of control, I feel helpless, this is killing me?
Your language will become your experience because the words you are using are supercharged with emotions.
EMOTION=ENERGY IN MOTION.
We are energetic beings that are continually vibrating with energy; therefore, the emotions you are giving out are the emotions that you are experiencing by attracting them right back to you.
Here is a phrase I often referred to during the tail end of my marriage: I am going through the motions without any emotion. I experienced exactly that. I felt numb, stuck, and unable to move. To turn my experience around, I had to change my mindset. Telling myself that I felt numb and paralyzed was continually creating that experience over and over again.
I completely understand that divorce is a painful and sometimes traumatic experience. Not for one second do I discount that. The feelings of pain are real. My heart bleeds for anyone that has ever had to go through this experience. I get how isolating and uncertain it can all feel, and even more complicated when there are children involved.
I invite you to explore the pain. Feel all of it, but know that you don’t have to live in a place of suffering. Suffering and victimhood are optional, and they aren’t going to give you the life you desire.
You are in this program because you want more for your children and yourself, and I am here to tell you that you can create that through this course, but you have to be willing to do the uncomfortable work to create change.
Let’s give language about your divorce a makeover. I want you to practice daily affirmation:
I AM STATEMENTS. Try this on and see how it feels: I AM STRONG, I AM POWERFUL, I CAN DO THIS, I AM FREE, I AM LOVED, I AM GUIDED, I AM COURAGEOUS, I AM SUCCESSFUL.
Even if they don’t feel believable to you right now, keep saying them until they become your reality. Put as much emotion behind it as you can. Remember, emotions are energy in motion! Write them on sticky notes, set them as reminders on your phone, put them in your office. Whatever you need to do to make this practice a daily habit. Eventually, not only will you start believing it, but you will BE it.
Module 1: AWARENESS: Do Your Beliefs Need an Upgrade?
Now we are going to talk about your beliefs you believe about yourself.
Have you ever stopped to question your beliefs? Are these beliefs even yours, or are they beliefs instilled by your family? Are your beliefs serving the life you want to create?
Let me give you an example of some beliefs I have heard throughout my years of talking to many divorced parents, and also some beliefs that I believed about myself.
- I am broken
- I am powerless
- I am a failure
- Nobody will want me
- I am too old to start over
- I will never recoup what I lost in this marriage
- My partner took everything from me
- Relationships never work
- All men cheat
- I’m a horrible parent
- I’m a bad girl
- And if you are religious, you may even have beliefs that you are going to “hell”
Do any of these sound familiar? You might even be able to add a few of your own to the list. I know I sure had many negative limiting beliefs surrounding my divorce. I am the one that wanted a divorce, so you can imagine how I carried guilt and shame around like an anchor.
Reevaluating your beliefs is crucial if you want to untie the knots of divorce. I want you to make a list of your own beliefs, and I want you to question every one of them. Start at the top of the list and ask yourself if each of your beliefs are true. Am I a failure? Did I lose everything in divorce? Am I a horrible person? Do I believe that? Or did this belief come from past memory or judgement? How are these beliefs serving me? Are they holding me back from the truth of who I am?
Do that for every limited belief you have surrounding your divorce. The veil will start to lift, and you will see that you are not any of those limited beliefs, nor is anything being done to you or holding you back from the life you want. Limiting beliefs are lies that we believe that keep us further away from our truth, and they take our power away. You can turn all this around by changing your thoughts and choosing different and replacing them with beliefs that empower you.
Next week I will release the rest of module 1, so please stay tuned to the blog, and if you haven’t already, get on the mailing list for updates and loads of free content to help you on your journey.
You can check out Video 2 HERE for more of Module 1!
If you didn’t do so last week, make sure you download the free exercises that go along with each section of Module 1.
If you would to receive the journal exercises from module 1 for free, click here: https://marisa-lupo-7875.mykajabi.com/free-resources-from-untying-the-knots-of-divorce-course