It’s normal to feel like you are alone after divorce. Feeling like you could be in a room of hundreds of people, yet nobody sees you, the real you.
You’re not the person you were when you were married, and at the same time, you are trying to rediscover who you are without the label of being a wife. You’ve left behind the woman you once were, and you have yet to remember who you are meant to be.
It’s impossible to connect with anyone when you are shedding the skin of your old self—feeling exposed, naked, and vulnerable. And even when you’re surrounded by people that know you, they will never understand what it feels like to be in this place unless they have visited themselves. Even if they have visited the same destination, the journey is entirely different for everyone.
The woman that you once were has transitioned into a different season of life. This season may feel cold, unbearable like you will never get through it, but as Jim Rohn so brilliantly said, “After the winter comes spring.”
You might be feeling alone because you have recoiled into a ball of shame, fear, and guilt. These emotions don’t allow room to breathe. They are suffocating, restricting, and leave room for no one.
The house of grief shuts all the windows and closes the blinds. The lights are off, and it feels like nobody is home, like an abandoned house, neglected and unloved.
Love may have once lived there, but it feels lost. As if an intruder broke in and seized everything real: hope, faith, dreams, a future—gone.
That darkness is a liar. It wants you to believe that you have nothing, that you deserve to live in that place forever. That now you are left to fend for yourself. That divorce is the cause of your grief, and that your worth is tied to someone else.
Is this true? Were you full of joy before the end of your marriage? Were you living your best and fullest version of yourself? Were you walking in your truth guided by your light?
Or, have you long abandoned yourself?
I know, the truth cuts like a knife. It runs deep. I lived my life trying to please others. I lived by a checklist written on stone. It felt like I would forever be cemented in a place that didn’t fill my soul.
I bought into the belief that if I checked the box of being a “good daughter, a good wife, and a good mother,” that my life would bring me a sense of purpose, fulfillment, joy— and I would never feel alone.
If that were true, then why did I feel so alone?
Why did it feel like a prison, like solitary confinement? I served many years in that place. I was ashamed because I felt that way.
Shame keeps women quiet, stuck, immovable. It makes you swallow your truth and bury it deep inside of you.
Eventually, the truth knocks quietly, but we become good at hushing, wrestling, distracting, and numbing it away. We’ve been creative in all the ways we can silence ourselves with a smile.
But the eyes don’t lie. My eyes revealed the shell of a person I had become. The only people that couldn’t recognize it were the ones that saw their reflection in me.
Your spirit will never give up hope because it’s only goal is to get you to remember who you are. The silent nudges will eventually become roars you can no longer ignore. That is your opportunity to turn inward and discover what you have not been able to see.
Hindsight and experience have gifted me the wisdom to speak the truth about why solitude in the aftermath of divorce is necessary for growth and healing. It’s not isolation that you are in; it’s stillness—there is a difference.
It’s time you stop running and allow yourself to be still.
Here Are 5 Reasons To Embrace Solitude In Divorce
1.The caterpillar journeys inside the cocoon in order to transform and emerge into its true essence.
Do you want transformation? If so, then you cannot resist the painful process of sitting in stillness. The caterpillar doesn’t resist what it is about to become, and nothing can help speed up its metamorphosis. It requires trust, surrender, and faith before it becomes the miracle it is meant to be. You are that miracle, too.
2.You will never know your strength if you aren’t willing to step off the least resistance path.
I am so glad I wasn’t supported in my divorce because it forced me to find the courage inside myself. I wasn’t able to grab on tight to someone else for a pillar of strength. I had to be brave enough to embrace the wild alone. I was left to cultivate strength within when I had no other choice.
Resiliency is what is going to keep you moving forward in the aftermath of divorce. “If you want to take the island, burn the boats!”––Julius Caesar. Once you find your inner strength, then you can invite others on your journey towards success, from a place of power.
3.Stillness is where your truth lives. It’s the only truth that exists. It’s the journey within, where your voice meets your spirit, and their conversation is stillness.
You are never alone in this place; this is the core of who you are. It’s the place where you create. The relationship between voice and spirit is the most powerful relationship you will ever have.
Be excited about this relationship! This relationship will never fail you, lie to you, or abandon you. It’s a source of truth and love that will never forsake you, and you can access it anytime you desire.
4.In stillness, you may recognize the times you have abandoned and betrayed yourself. Every time you neglect your spirit, silence your voice, and ignore your truth. When you say yes, but want to say no. When you stay in situations that don’t serve because you don’t want to hurt someone else, you realize that you matter, that your happiness matters, and who you are matters. You stop sacrificing who you are out of fear of losing something.
Fear of loss paralyzes us. So we try to control and manipulate because we can’t handle the thought of losing anymore that we already have. How does this fear change who we are? The truth is we control absolutely nothing, and our brains are so hardwired for the negative, for loss, and we can’t see what we are gaining.
What we gain is much more powerful than we can ever imagine—Freedom. Freedom to be who we are, to experience joy from the present moment, and to love unconditionally.
5.Comparison is the cage for loneliness. Comparison breaks connection. It cripples your spirit. It makes you feel less than instead of celebrating who you are. It separates you. It steals your joy.
You cannot rise if you are stuck in the shadow of others. It’s time to let go and embrace your own bright light.
“In stillness lives wisdom. In quiet, you’ll find peace. In solitude you’ll remember yourself.”— Robin Sharma