Divorce or even contemplating divorce feels as if a dark cloud is following your every move. This dark energy shadows any light, which is why it can feel like you are so alone. This darkness has no face, no name. It just feels unsettling. It makes complete sense to feel like you want to protect and defend yourself against anything and everything that threatens your very existence.
I talk a lot about “the fight.” It’s the place where our armor is up, and we wait on the defense for the next threat. Change brings about lots of uncertainty, and by nature, we are creatures that like things to stay status quo.
Divorce is the complete opposite of keeping things status quo. It’s a disruptor of what once felt like home. It throws everything into chaos, and our mind tells us that we are not safe and that we have to protect what might get taken away from us.
But that’s not what we were made for. We are not here to just survive, to live every day, expecting the worst to happen. Suffering through a divorce is not your soul’s purpose, and it’s also not your purpose to continually relive the trauma of this painful experience over and over again.
So then, what is your purpose?
That’s a pretty profound question, one that I did not ask until I was in my late thirties. Why did it take so long to ask this life-altering question? Until that point, I was the queen of betraying myself, neglecting my spirit’s needs. I was what everyone else needed me to be: what my family needed me to be, what my husband needed me to be, what my kids needed me to be. I was convinced that if I lived up to everyone else’s expectations, I would find happiness.
Living life for everyone else led me to a place where I felt like I had no identity, like I was a ghost, like I was living outside my life and not in it. It was empty, I felt disconnected, and I felt trapped in my marriage.
Taking accountability for our choices is not an easy task. I wanted to blame everyone for my unhappiness. Of course, it made it easier for me to point the finger outward than to look at myself in the mirror and own my choices, to own the decisions I made that let me to such an unconscious place.
But blaming was only giving my power away, and it was getting in the way of my purpose. If I wanted to live my purpose, I had to be willing to put down the victim story.
So I ask you this, are you caught up in playing the blame game like I was? Are you blaming everyone around you for your unhappiness, for why you stopped doing the things that brought you joy?
To start living your life’s purpose, you first need to remember who you are. Who were you before you became a wife or a mom, or any label for that matter? I want you to think back to who you were as a child? What was that little child interested in? What excited her? What did you spend your time on? What brought a smile to your face?
Have you stopped doing those things because you told yourself you don’t have time anymore, you’re a parent now, and your children need you, that you are just too busy?
Who is to say you don’t have time? Don’t you matter? When did we buy into the lie that we had to give up fueling the creative, passionate side of ourselves to be what everyone else needs us to be?
I want you to think about the limiting beliefs you are telling yourself about why you aren’t doing the things that feed your soul. Let me give you some common ones that I hear from many clients:
- I’m too old
- I’m too busy
- What will people think about me
- I’m not good enough
- I don’t have time
- I don’t have enough money
- I’m not smart enough
- I’m not creative
- My children need me
You aren’t alone if you believe any of these limiting beliefs. I digested many of these lies as my truth until I had a complete identity crisis. I had a dark night of the soul where I literally had no idea who I was, what I liked, or why I even existed. The one thing that I knew for sure was that the life I was living, the person I had become, the disconnected soul that I was couldn’t be it for me. I knew there had to be more!
On that dark night, I asked myself some very profound questions. It was a pivotal moment, and I wanted to know: who the hell am I, why am I here, and what am I even interested in? It was that moment that changed everything for me.
On that night, I reconnected back to who I was as a little girl, and since that night, I put the steps in motion back towards myself. I realized that the only truth that exists could only be found inside myself, not from anything outside of me.
When you stop living life for everyone else, you begin to remember that there is a reason why you are here, and you start living your truth. You put down the lies of, “But it’s selfish to do things for me because my kids need me.” Your family needs a woman who is living her truth and who lives a life of purpose.
Living with purpose is leading with legacy. When we stop living with excuses and start living with legacy, life starts to have meaning, even the pain.
What do you want to leave your children with when you leave this life? What do you want others to say about you? How do you want to be remembered?
Let me remind you once more; divorce is not your purpose.