Hi, I’m Marisa Lupo
My divorce was anything but amicable. I wanted to believe that because we had two children we would put our ego and pride aside and “do the right thing.” Let’s just say that things didn’t go as planned. How could it? We were teenagers when we started dating— together for 19 years. We pretty much raised each other. Neither of us wanted to recognize that we had an unconscious relationship, expecting the other person to fill our own unmet needs.
Divorce papers weren’t going to heal the deep-rooted pain we both felt. What happened after our divorce was a consequence of not doing the work to heal what was lingering beneath the surface. This led us to the hands of the court system to defend what was left of our pride and ego, and, ultimately, our self-worth.
What I had failed to realize was that the courts are not designed for healing. I felt powerless and out of control. I felt unsafe and desperate. There I was, defending myself as a woman and a mother; in a system that had no idea what the real truth was. I was done proving and defending myself to anyone.
I remember sitting outside the courtroom awaiting our turn to be seen, looking into the familiar eyes of other people that were awaiting their turn to defend themselves, thinking to myself, “How did I get here? Who was Marisa before all of this, and how did she lose herself? How did I lose track of the dream I had as a child, the deep desire to live a life devoted to helping other people?” I knew, no matter what the outcome was, I was not going to find the answers to heal the trauma I was carrying in the courtroom.
“YOU CAN’T CHANGE WHAT YOU REFUSE TO CONFRONT.”–UNKNOWN
Eight years ago, I had the perfect life. I had studied psychology in college, obtained my Bachelor of Science in business management, and acquired my real estate license. I became a successful real estate investor living in a custom home we built ourselves, drove new cars, and took exotic vacations all over the world. I was married with two beautiful children and I had a big Italian family that came together every week around the dinner table. I even had my own “Sex in the City” circle of amazing girlfriends: we partied together, laughed together, and bonded over our care-free lives.
But on the inside, I was anything but care-free.
In my heart, I was completely numb – and not even the people closest to me knew it. To everyone else, it seemed like I was happily married and wildly successful. But I had been living up to everyone else’s expectations while I was silently dying inside. While I took responsibility for everyone else’s happiness and poured myself into the mold of my family’s expectations of a good Italian wife, mother, and daughter, who I really was suffocating under the weight of needing everyone else’s approval.
As hard as I tried to distract myself from this painful realization – focusing on my family’s happiness, on my business, or hanging with my girls – the essence of me was nowhere to be found in the life I was living. This part of me, the truest, most authentic voice in my soul was silenced, drowning in the life and the marriage I felt trapped in.
And I knew that I had to leave my marriage.
Despite the chorus of disapproval, disappointment, and even hostility from my family and even some of my friends, I separated from my husband and began the process of taking back control over my life.
Then things got even harder: lawyers, divorce courts, custody hearings. Yet I knew that in order to take my freedom back, I’d have to fight for the unconditional love and acceptance my soul craved. I was terrified of going backward – and that fear was even more painful than the suffocating shame I felt by the people around me who couldn’t understand my decision. As hard as I tried to explain to my loved ones that I had to do this, they could not support my choice.
I realized that if I wanted deep-rooted healing I would have to leave guilt and shame behind me and get the tools I needed for real change. I worked with my own counselors and coaches, and I sought after mentors that were living a life that I was desperate to live.
Determined to fulfill my goal to live a life of service, I channeled all my resources into developing the skills and abilities that would empower me to support others in finding their purpose. I became a Certified Life Coach; and mastered the specific strategies I knew would empower other professional women to cultivate an authentic life overflowing with love, meaning, and passion. My desire for personal development continued as I dove into many self-help books, attended many seminars and retreats, and also received training in neuro-linguistic programming (NLP).
And perhaps most importantly, I was able to apply these insights and strategies to my own relationships! I can now show up in my relationships with my family and friends as the most authentic version of myself. I can’t begin to describe how much joy this has brought to my life.
Moreover, my passion and fulfillment are not limited to these remarkable, loving relationships with my family: I have built a successful coaching practice where now I mentor and support other professional women to create exactly the kind of life and relationships that are built on their authentic selves: their freedom, their passion, and their purpose.
The fire that blazes in me is my deepest desire to help you stop the suffering, stop living a life that you are numb to, and start living a life of BLISS.
Whether you are feeling trapped in a life that’s not authentic, trying to improve your relationship, or rebuilding your life after divorce, I am here to tell you: you do not have to figure it all out by yourself. If you feel stuck or trapped in your life, please know, I, too, believed that you have to give up your true self in order to have love, family, and happiness; I believed that my purpose was to live up to other people’s expectations and that making everyone else happy was the recipe for a good life.
I almost – almost – lost myself to the lie that such a life is the best a girl can hope for.
You also have a calling to live an authentic, meaningful life where unconditional love and connection are the foundation for passion, creativity, and joy. I would love to help you discover how.
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